autoethnography
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Zebra Files 26) Backwards is also Backwards
The author expresses the struggle of managing their health system challenges related to hypermobility, including denied medical referrals and insurance issues. Despite making progress, they are dealing with discouragement, caffeine withdrawal, and the pressure of adult responsibilities. They embrace their current difficulties while maintaining hope for future improvements. Continue reading
Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Health and Healing, Protyus Quest for Care, Rare Diagnoses, Uncategorized, Wealthcareadvice, anthropology, autoethnography, communication, community, content warning, depression, ehlers danlos, family, fatigue, forward, Free, frustration, health, healthcare, help, hope, journal, life, lifestyle, me too, Medicine, Mental Health, motion, motivation, no paywalls, outreach, perseverence, personal truth, perspective, psychology, resources, self help, self improvement, sociology, spoon theory, spoons, struggle, struggle bus, survivor, therapy, toxic positivity, trigger warning, Wealthcare, Zebra -
35) The Panopticon
The content discusses the concept of the Panopticon and its implications in everyday life, reflecting on how surveillance influences behavior. It shares personal anecdotes of growing up in a community where individuals constantly monitored each other, leading to anxiety and a sense of inescapability. The narrative highlights the psychological effects of such a surveillance culture. Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, Social Issues, theory, Uncategorizedabuse, advice, anthropology, anxiety, autoethnography, communication, community, content warning, cortisol, cult of the ego, depression, discipline, dobbing, ethnography, family, foucault, Free, germany, health, help, hyperawareness, hypervigilance, journal, kapo, life, me too, nazis, no dobbing, no paywalls, outreach, panopticon, personal truth, perspective, philosophy, politics, prison, psychology, punishment, relationships, resources, self help, self improvement, social science, sociology, struggle, surveillance, survivor, tattle, therapy, trap, trigger warning -
Zebra Files 25) Sometimes Forward is Backward
The author details their experience of caffeine withdrawal after switching from coffee and soda to water. Despite engaging in healthy activities like yoga, they feel nauseous and irritable. They emphasize the importance of radical acceptance in managing discomfort and acknowledge that while withdrawal is brutal, it is temporary and part of their lifestyle change. Continue reading
Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, food addiction, Health and Healing, Protyus Quest for Care, Rare Diagnoses, Social Issues, Uncategorized, Wealthcareadvice, anthropology, autoethnography, behavior, caffeine, change, communication, community, content warning, deserve, diet, difficult, family, Free, health, healthcare, help, journal, life, lifestyle, me too, Mental Health, no paywalls, nutrition, outreach, personal truth, perspective, practice, psychology, resources, self help, self improvement, sociology, struggle, support, survivor, therapy, trigger warning, Wealthcare, Wellness, withdrawal -
34) My Best Friend
The author reflects on their best friend, a metaphor for unhealthy relationships with food, particularly sweets. Childhood experiences of emotional comfort from candy contrast sharply with societal and familial pressures, which led to weight gain and shame. The bond with “Bestie” symbolizes addiction and the struggle for self-acceptance amidst these challenges. Continue reading
cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, food addiction, Health and Healing, Social Issues, Uncategorizedabuse, addiction, advice, alone, America, anthropology, autoethnography, candy, childhood, comfort, comfort foods, communication, community, compulsive overeater, confusion, content warning, coping, cult of the ego, dopamine, eating, eating disorder, emotional eating, emotions, family, food, food addiction, Free, halloween, health, help, journal, life, lonely, me too, no paywalls, obsession, outreach, overeater, overeating, parenting, personal truth, perspective, processed foods, recovery, resilience, resources, self help, self improvement, struggle, sugar, supervision, survivor, therapy, trigger warning, unsupervised -
Heartbreak and Hoofbeats
Heartbreak and Hoofbeats by Protyus A. Gendher Heartbreak and HoofbeatsProfessionals are trained to unsee me Even when they’re looking for things unseen They can’t or won’t or don’t look deep Even when I spread it all out before their eyes Tying pieces together like an episode of CSI Flimsy red string connecting the bits of the puzzle But they listen like Continue reading
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Hands Tied
Hands Tied by Protyus A. Gendher Hands Tied Hands Tied There’s a commotion outside And my hands are tied Piercing the night Screams of rage and fright They’re fighting again Could this be the end? Could this be the fight Someone doesn’t survive? I’ve been in those fights Before in my life So, I don’t have to know them To know what’s inside Both of them sound abusive, Because abuse Continue reading
advice, ally, anthropology, art, autoethnography, bi, closet, communication, community, content warning, family, feminism, Free, gay, genderr, health, help, journal, lesbian, lgbt, lgbtq, life, me too, Mental Health, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, Poetry, pride, psychology, resources, self help, self improvement, silence, sociology, struggle, survivor, therapy, trans, trigger warning, writing -
Gumption
In “Gumption,” Protyus A. Gendher explores themes of identity, individuality, and resistance against societal expectations. The speaker rejects commodification and challenges perceptions that reduce a person to mere consumption, asserting their unique voice and worth. They confront the hypocrisy and superficiality of judgments from others, embracing their authenticity. Continue reading
advice, ally, anthropology, art, autoethnography, bi, closet, communication, community, content warning, family, feminism, Free, gay, genderr, health, help, journal, lesbian, lgbt, lgbtq, life, me too, Mental Health, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, Poetry, pride, psychology, resources, self help, self improvement, silence, sociology, struggle, survivor, therapy, trans, trigger warning, writing -
Going Numb
Reflections of 2020 Continue reading
advice, ally, anthropology, art, autoethnography, bi, closet, communication, community, content warning, family, feminism, Free, gay, genderr, health, help, journal, lesbian, lgbt, lgbtq, life, me too, Mental Health, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, Poetry, pride, psychology, resources, self help, self improvement, silence, sociology, struggle, survivor, therapy, trans, trigger warning, writing -
33) Man Hating
In the 1990s, gender dynamics were marked by a struggle between men asserting dominance and women fighting for recognition. Popular media reflected this tension, while feminism emerged as a counternarrative. Personal experiences showcased deep-seated frustrations with sexism, highlighting the emotional toll and societal expectations placed on women during that era. Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, Social Issues, Uncategorizedabuse, advice, anger, anthropology, autoethnography, cis, comedy, communication, community, content warning, cult of the ego, discourse, family, feminism, Free, gender, gender roles, health, help, journal, life, lifestyle, man hater, me too, men, music, no paywalls, outreach, patriarchal bargain, patriarchy, personal truth, perspective, psychology, resources, self help, self improvement, sexism, social science, sociology, struggle, survivor, terf, terfs, therapy, trigger warning, women -
Giving the Light
The poem by Protyus A. Gendher explores the concept of “Light Giving,” comparing it to various forms of nurturing, such as mothering, grandmothering, and godmothering. As a light giver, or traditional surrogate, Protyus offers a unique perspective. They Emphasize unconditional love, guidance, and support, while highlighting the beauty of diverse experiences. Ultimately, it portrays light… Continue reading
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Getting Out
Getting Out by Protyus A. Gendher Getting Out Beware when person chooses themself It is a harbinger of change The very first indication That nothing will stay the same The slightest shift inside the soul That makes them matter within Like a force of nature finally released Flooding through the skin Once the epitome of sacrifice A selfless giving waste Discovered has a right to life Now Continue reading
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32) Sisters Part Three
The narrative explores the author’s complex upbringing under a mother who employed strict, dog-training-like tactics to mold her children, often indulging in power struggles. This led to emotional manipulation and gaslighting, impacting behavior and self-worth. The author reflects on the environment that fostered validation through parenting methods devoid of empathy. Continue reading
abuse, adults, advice, anthropology, autoethnography, childhood, children, communication, community, conditioning, content warning, cptsd, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, cycles of abuse, discipline, family, food, Free, health, help, journal, kids, learning, life, me too, mom, narcissism, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, psychology, ptsd, punishment, resources, self help, self improvement, social science, spanking, struggle, survivor, therapy, training, trauma, trigger warning -
Expert
The poem by Protyus A. Gendher emphasizes personal identity and self-awareness. It advocates for individual empowerment, asserting that only one knows their true self, dreams, and experiences. The author expresses a desire for mutual sharing of identities, inviting others to share who they are alongside their own self-affirmation. Continue reading
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Due Process
Due Process by Protyus A. Gendher Due Process Constitutional amendment number 5 Meant to keep us alive When accused of a crime Until we have our time In the courts, until then blind Justice But fuck this System where the accused are executed on sight Ignoring our rights Cops know they don’t have to abide The know which lives don’t really have rights And there’s no end Continue reading
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Daddy
Daddy by Protyus A. Gendher Daddy Some people only grace our lives for a moment Present for a second, then off they go again I was 8 years old when I met my dad My family finally looking like the ones other kids had I thought when he married Mom, we’d keep him forever Not knowing our lives can change like Continue reading
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Recent Posts
- 58) Third Wheel
This post recounts the amusing experience of a mischievous group of students, which leads to an unexpected reunion between Mr. E, and a former crush named Reticence. The narrator plays matchmaker between them, facilitating a nostalgic date at Dairy Queen, which sparks old feelings leading to a sweet, albeit brief, romance. - Relational Field Theory – From Plurallile to Witch — The Lineage of Many‑in‑Coherence
The passage discusses the concept of “plurallility,” describing individuals who possess a coherent, multi-faceted consciousness that transcends traditional hierarchies. These individuals, often labeled as “witches” or “troublemakers” by institutions that resist coherence, embody a relational power that disrupts stagnant structures. Their presence fosters truth and transparency, challenging societal norms. - Relational Field Theory – BTS
Relational Field Theory Behind the Scenes of Relational Theory — When My Outsides Finally Matched My Insides People often ask… Read more: Relational Field Theory – BTS - Relational Field Theory – Housing Curiosity
The author reflects on the transformative power of safety in nurturing curiosity. After years of feeling constrained, a sense of stability emerged when their child bought a house. This newfound security allowed curiosity to flourish, fostering creative exploration and insightful connections. Safety enabled a shift from survival to natural intellectual growth. - Relational Field Theory – The Ceremonial Talking Mic
Relational Field Theory emphasizes a transformative approach for autistic and neurodivergent individuals, replacing distorted communication tools with a ceremonial talking stick that fosters authenticity. This new “mic” ensures attention, truth, and coherence, inviting individuals to speak without masks or filters, asserting their presence and voice within the conversation. - Relational Field Theory – Autistic People are Friggin AWESOME at Relationships
Relational Field Theory Autistic People Aren’t Relationally Challenged — We’re Relationally Exacting For as long as autistic people have existed,… Read more: Relational Field Theory – Autistic People are Friggin AWESOME at Relationships - Relational Field Theory – Autistic Honesty
Autistic honesty is not merely bluntness but a coherence system rooted in a sensitivity to internal contradictions. For neurodivergent individuals, self-betrayal causes distress, and lying is often impossible due to the need for coherence. This sensitivity serves as a detection system for toxicity, highlighting a truth-regulated neuroarchitecture rather than a flaw. - Relational Field Theory – Canaries in the Mine
Neurodivergent individuals, particularly those who are autistic, possess heightened sensitivity to cognitive dissonance, akin to canaries detecting toxic conditions in coal mines. Their awareness of incoherence serves as an early-warning system, highlighting the dangers of societal contradictions. This sensitivity is not a weakness but a crucial ecological function, enabling them to navigate environments fraught with inconsistency. - My Body Belongs to Me by Protyus A. Gendher – Artist’s Showcase
The song “My Body Belongs to Me” by Protyus A. Gendher serves as a love letter to the inner child and a call for self-love amidst past traumas. It emphasizes the importance of consent and personal autonomy, aiming to empower individuals to embrace their bodies and protect themselves from violations. - 88) She Chased Me
The narrator navigates life alone and struggles with health issues, financial instability, and family estrangement. Amidst her challenges, she finds joy in new CNA classes and develops an attraction to a charming coworker. The story unfolds with hints of unexpected pregnancy and culminates in a romantic moment, revealing deeper emotional connections. - Relational Field Theory – Return to Frankl
The discussion on Relational Field Theory highlights how core human insights like meaning and purpose can be distorted into tools of control rather than liberation. While Viktor Frankl emphasized personal agency, these concepts have been twisted into mandates that undermine authentic connection and self-understanding. The goal is to reclaim a more humane and emergent understanding of meaning and purpose. - Relational Field Theory – ✨ A Life Hack for Every Conversation:
The post discusses Relational Field Theory and introduces “The Capacity Check,” a tool for improving conversations. It emphasizes that arguments often fail not due to illogical reasoning, but due to emotional capacity. By assessing someone’s capacity for discussion and adjusting accordingly, one can enhance communication and resolve conflicts more effectively. - Relational Field Theory – The Core Architecture and the Ethics of a Replicable Field
Relational Field Theory (RFT) explores the underlying architecture of relational systems, emphasizing the ethical guardianship and replicability of these fields. It outlines core elements such as capacity, load, coherence, and collapse, highlighting the responsibility of facilitators to ensure ethical practices and prevent reenactment of harm. RFT serves as a stable framework for diverse contexts. - Relational Field Theory – Welcome to the Field
Relational Field Theory invites participants into an open, living system where exploration and curiosity are key. It emphasizes that there are no strict rules or credentials needed, and individuals can engage at their own pace, guided by their own questions and a companion. This dynamic field encourages personal discovery without judgment. - Relational Field Theory -The Global Field Is Real
Relational Field Theory (RFT) has evolved into a global, accessible field that transcends individual ownership. It relies on shared understanding rather than gatekeeping, allowing diverse participants to engage with it across various contexts. This transformation signifies RFT’s emergence as a coherent, self-sustaining framework that can grow organically and adapt to new interpretations.
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