journal
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19) Presidential Fitness Test
The Presidential Fitness Test, established in the 1950s to assess youth fitness in comparison to European peers, emphasized military-style performance. Over the years, it became associated with body shaming and emotional trauma for many, particularly those facing physical limitations. The test was abolished in 2013 after widespread criticism. Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, Health and Healing, Poetry, Social Issues, theory, Uncategorized, Wealthcareabuse, advice, anthroplogy, anthropology, autoethnography, children, communication, community, comparison, content warning, cptsd, cycle, cycle breaker, cycle breaking, cycles of abuse, EDS, ehlers danlos, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, eisenhower, family, fat, fitness, Free, government, gym, health, help, institutionalized trauma, journal, life, lifestyle, me too, Mental Health, mile run, no more, no paywalls, not on my watch, outreach, pain, personal truth, perspective, Presidential Function Test, psychology, ptsd, public shaming, pull ups, push ups, resources, rope climb, school, self help, self improvement, shame, sit ups, social science, sociology, structural violence, struggle, survivor, therapy, torture, trauma, trauma informed, trauma recovery, trigger warning, Zebra -
80) Ripples
The author reflects on their journey with trauma and parenting, emphasizing the challenge of sharing painful stories while trying to connect with their child. They explore the impact of unspoken trauma on relationships and highlight the importance of healing, openness, and authenticity. This process helps build trust and understanding within their family. Continue reading
advice, communication, community, connection, content warning, family, Free, healing, health, help, journal, journey, life, me too, no paywalls, outreach, pain, personal truth, perspective, recovery, relationships, resources, self help, self improvement, struggle, survivor, therapy, trauma, trigger warning -
49) Trying on Scripts
The author reflects on their experiences with a small, imaginative cult formed during adolescence, alongside friends K and R. They explored identity through shared fictional narratives and characters, blurring lines between reality and performance. Eventually, the author distanced from the group, recognizing the dangers involved, while R remained deeply attached to the fantasy. Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, Social Issues, Uncategorizedadvice, anthropology, autoethnography, communication, community, conformity, content warning, control, cult, cult of the ego, ethnography, family, Free, friends, grooming, groupthink, health, help, imagination, journal, life, me too, mini cult, narrative, new scripts, no paywalls, obedience, outreach, personal truth, perspective, power, psychology, resources, rules, script, script theory, self help, self improvement, social order, sociology, struggle, survivor, therapy, trigger warning -
79) Reflections
The author explores the complexities of their childhood, grappling with feelings of self-loathing and the struggle for validation. They reflect on past traumas, relationships, and the internal conflict between acknowledging pain and minimizing it. Ultimately, they seek understanding of their worthiness and the necessity of self-love in their healing journey. Continue reading
advice, anthropology, communication, community, content warning, family, Free, generational trauma, guilt, healing, health, help, journal, journey, life, me too, no paywalls, outreach, performance, personal truth, perspective, psychology, reflection, resources, responsibility, risk, self help, self improvement, shame, struggle, survivor, therapy, trauma, trigger warning -
48) The One Debate Tournament I Went To
The author describes a double standard experienced by their mother in high school, and their rebellion through sexualized behavior. Continue reading
acting out, advice, anthropology, attention, autoethnography, communication, community, content warning, cult of the ego, debate, ethnography, family, Free, health, help, high school, journal, judge, life, mad, me too, members only, mom, no paywalls, novel, observer, outreach, participant, personal truth, perspective, psychology, resources, risk, self help, self improvement, social science, struggle, survivor, therapy, trigger warning, writer, writing -
78) Ditch Please
The narrator reflects on their challenging summer working at a ranch, facing low pay and personal insecurities. Despite enjoying the experience and camaraderie, they struggle with feelings of inadequacy as mistakes mount. Ultimately, they feel undervalued and question their worth amidst financial pressures and family judgments, leading to self-doubt and introspection. Continue reading
advice, bills, communication, community, content warning, cows, crew, family, farm, finance, Free, hay, health, help, journal, life, me too, money, newbie, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, pinedale, ranch, resources, self help, self improvement, struggle, survivor, terf, therapy, tractor, trigger warning, worth, wyoming -
47) Like a Soda Can to the Forehead
In high school, the author struggled with social acceptance due to their obsession with facts and critical thinking, often resulting in conflicts. A notable incident involving a soda can taught them about respect and intimidation dynamics. Later, physical prowess in gym class shifted perceptions, making them resilient against bullying. Continue reading
adolescence, advice, altercations, anthropology, autoethnography, back off, bullies, communication, community, content warning, cult of the ego, family, fighting back, Free, health, help, high school, journal, life, me too, no paywalls, outreach, peaceful, pecking order, personal truth, perspective, power, psychology, resources, safe, safety, self help, self improvement, social science, sociology, strong, struggle, survivor, target, therapy, trigger warning -
18) High School
The author shares experiences from high school, highlighting a strained familial relationship, particularly with their mother, over decisions like language studies and school policies. They describe friendships formed among a rebellious group, issues with attendance, and the challenges faced in a restrictive home environment, ultimately leading to feelings of isolation and disappointment. Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, Social Issues, Uncategorizedadvice, anthropology, autoethnography, belonging, clubs, communication, community, consequences, conservative, content warning, control, cops, court, enforcement, experience, family, fitting in, foreign language, Free, german, health, help, high school, inclusion, journal, journaling, judge, language, law enforcement, lies, life, linguistics, loitering, me too, misfits, narrative, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, politics, predator, predators, ptsd, punishment, racism, republican, resources, self help, self improvement, spanish, struggle, survivor, targeting, teenager, teens, therapy, trauma, trigger warning, vulnerable population, Zebra -
17) Mallard Duck Day
The post reflects on the author’s challenging junior high experience, highlighting key teachers who positively impacted their life. Despite struggles with social dynamics, teachers inspired confidence, fostering a love for learning. However, bullying and lack of support from administration devastated one beloved teacher, resulting in a profound sense of loss for the author. Continue reading
administration, advice, anthropology, autoethnography, bullying, communication, community, content warning, discrimination, education, english, experience, family, Free, gay, glbt, health, help, journal, journaling, Junior High, learning, lesbian, life, life story, mallard, me too, narrative, no paywalls, outreach, paperclip, personal truth, perspective, psychology, resources, school, science, self help, self improvement, seventh grade, social studies, sociology, struggle, survivor, teachers, teaching, therapy, trigger warning, writing, Zebra -
16) Junior High
The author reflects on their challenging experience in junior high, marked by a lack of family support and feelings of isolation. As their family became distant, the author faced bullying and ridicule at school. Despite moments of achievement, like performing in a musical, they struggled to find acceptance and belonging among peers. Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, Social Issues, Uncategorizedabsence, abuse, acceptance, adolescence, advice, anthropology, Autism, autoethnography, belonging, bulllies, bullying, choir, communication, community, content warning, cult, cult of the ego, drama, expectations, experience, family, fitting in, Free, growing up, health, help, journal, journaling, Junior High, life, life story, me too, moving on, musical, my story, no paywalls, outcast, outreach, personal truth, perspective, preteen, psychology, rejection, resources, self help, self improvement, social science, sociology, struggle, survivor, theater, therapy, trauma, trauma recovery, trigger warning, understanding, Zebra -
77) A Willing Hand
The narrator shares experiences working during haying season for a local rancher, feeling eager yet anxious to prove their worth. They navigate challenges with tractors, bond with a mostly established crew, and yearn for acceptance. The job brings personal growth and reflection, contrasting their past family ties with newfound independence. Continue reading
advice, bills, communication, community, content warning, cows, crew, family, farm, finance, Free, hay, health, help, journal, life, me too, money, newbie, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, pinedale, ranch, resources, self help, self improvement, struggle, survivor, terf, therapy, tractor, trigger warning, worth, wyoming -
46) God Forbid
The author uses the documentary “God Forbid” to explore the manipulative dynamics of The Cult of the Ego, focusing on Giancarlo’s experiences with Rev. Jerry Falwell Jr. and the evangelical elite. It highlights how power and moral status are exploited to control young men, masking corruption while waging moral campaigns against perceived societal threats. More… Continue reading
Conformity and Control, cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, human trafficking, Revictimization, Social Issues, theory, Uncategorizedadvice, anthropology, bible belt, coercion, communication, community, conformity, conservative, content warning, control, cult, cult of the ego, documentary, family, Free, health, help, human trafficking, journal, libertarian, liberty, life, me too, moral majority, morality, morals, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, political control, politics, predator, predators, psychology, religion, religious right, republican, resources, scandal, script, script theory, self help, self improvement, sociology, struggle, survivor, therapy, trigger warning, youth -
15) Starting Over- Revisited
The post reflects on personal experiences of childhood trauma and healing, highlighting the significance of supportive relationships, like a caring teacher during difficult times, and memorable family trips. It addresses themes of grief, resilience, and the challenges of navigating societal expectations while coping with loss and navigating adolescence. Continue reading
cult of the ego, cycle breaking, Erasing The Silence, grooming, Health and Healing, Social Issues, Uncategorizedabuse, adolescence, advice, anthropology, autoethnography, babies, childcare, colorado, communication, community, content warning, cult, cult of the ego, delivery, doula, family, family scapegoat syndrome, Free, going numb, health, help, indiana, journal, labor, lessons, life, love, me too, Mental Health, moving, music, narcissism, no paywalls, outreach, parenthood, parentified child, personal truth, perspective, pregnancy, preteens, psychology, resources, rhcp, scapegoat, scripts, self help, self improvement, soccer, sociology, starting over, struggle, summer, survivor, therapy, trigger warning, vacation, writing -
Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing
The Toxicity Toolkit addresses toxic behaviors that affect relationships, arising from various life experiences. It acknowledges that everyone displays toxic traits and aims to provide exercises for families to combat toxicity and cultivate healthier communication. The toolkit emphasizes recognizing toxicity, employing dialectical behavioral therapy, and fostering a positive environment for growth. Continue reading
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76) Wide Open Spaces
The passage reflects on personal experiences of living on a back road surrounded by nature and explores themes of food, connection, and language learning. The author recounts cooking memories with their mother, the challenges of taking a sign language course, and the emotional friction within family dynamics, ultimately affecting their sense of belonging. Continue reading
advice, belonging, class, cleaning, communication, community, community college, content warning, cooking, dishes, emotions, family, food, Free, health, help, jealousy, journal, laundry, learning, life, me too, no paywalls, outreach, personal truth, perspective, resources, self help, self improvement, sign language, struggle, survivor, therapy, trigger warning
Recent Posts
- Toxicity Toolkit 1 – Start Here
The Toxicity Toolkit addresses toxic behaviors that affect relationships, arising from various life experiences. It acknowledges that everyone displays toxic traits and aims to provide exercises for families to combat toxicity and cultivate healthier communication. The toolkit emphasizes recognizing toxicity, employing dialectical behavioral therapy, and fostering a positive environment for growth. - Survivor Literacy -You didn’t imagine it. You endured it.
The content emphasizes the importance of acknowledging one’s experiences and the evidence of endurance in survival situations. It asserts that survivors should trust their perceptions, as their lived experiences validate their reality. Survivor Literacy is highlighted as a means to restore confidence in one’s narrative and challenge denial from others. - 4) Family Scapegoat Syndrome with Video
The author reflects on Family Scapegoat Syndrome, discussing its cyclical nature and the psychological effects on individuals within dysfunctional family systems. They emphasize the importance of accessing social theories for healing and the struggle to break free from these cycles. Healing involves acknowledging all roles played and embracing self-worth beyond familial approval. - Post 13 — Why I Had to Understand This to Understand Myself
The author reflects on personal trauma shaped by systemic dynamics of power and control, particularly within domestic settings. They redefine their experiences not as chaos but as a replicated system of coercion and compliance that mirrors societal trafficking logic. Understanding this allows for personal clarity and the possibility of breaking harmful cycles. - 34) My Best Friend
The author reflects on their best friend, a metaphor for unhealthy relationships with food, particularly sweets. Childhood experiences of emotional comfort from candy contrast sharply with societal and familial pressures, which led to weight gain and shame. The bond with “Bestie” symbolizes addiction and the struggle for self-acceptance amidst these challenges. - 65) Asking For Help
The narrator recounts the trauma of asking for help in a system where mandatory reporting revictimizes those needing help. - Survivor Literacy – Your nervous system told the truth before anyone else did
The post emphasizes the importance of honoring the body’s innate ability to recognize and record harm before it is acknowledged verbally. It suggests that one’s nervous system is an accurate historian of personal experiences, advocating for “Survivor Literacy” as a means to validate and understand these bodily perceptions. - 3) My Cult of Origin
The author explores the concept of “normal” as defined by family upbringing and experiences, using The Cult of the Ego to detail their childhood in a Colorado family shaped by strong patriarchal figures and specific behavioral expectations. The narrative highlights the impact of familial dynamics, traditions, and the importance of mentorship, alongside elements of affection, dysregulation, and control. - Post 5 — Human Trafficking Is Not What You Think It Is
The concept of human trafficking is often misconstrued as dramatic crime scenes, overshadowing its societal roots. While the DHS defines trafficking through coercion in commercial terms, such limitations obscure broader coercive relationships that exist in various cultural contexts. Trafficking represents a pervasive logic underlying societal structures, demanding reevaluation of consent and coercion norms. - Survivor Literacy Is…
- 64) Emotional Ambush
The author reflects on their struggle with emotional ambushes, feeling unworthy of their pain and ashamed of their emotional responses. They highlight the deep impact these ambushes can have on children, shaping adult behaviors and fears. The post emphasizes the importance of breaking this cycle for healthier emotional development. - MISOGYNY AS A CONTROL SYSTEM
(Including people born with penises who refuse to perform dominance) 1. OVERVIEW In control‑doctrine subcultures, misogyny is not limited to… Read more: MISOGYNY AS A CONTROL SYSTEM - ANTI-TRANS CONTROL ARCHITECTURE
(Mechanisms, boundaries, language, ecosystems, counter-architecture) 1. MECHANISM MAP Misogyny → Transphobia → Anti-Trans Violence as a Single Pipeline 1.1 Baseline:… Read more: ANTI-TRANS CONTROL ARCHITECTURE - DIRECTED AGGRESSION TOWARD TRANS PEOPLE
(How control‑doctrine subcultures escalate from misogyny to anti‑trans hostility) 1. OVERVIEW When a subculture is built on the idea that… Read more: DIRECTED AGGRESSION TOWARD TRANS PEOPLE - CONTROL-AS-DOCTRINE SUBCULTURES
(Where domination of “females” is not a byproduct — it is the point) 1. OVERVIEW Some subcultures do not merely… Read more: CONTROL-AS-DOCTRINE SUBCULTURES
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