One Bite at a Time…
An old adage states that you can eat an entire elephant – one bite at a time. Now, of course, the realist in me thinks you’re going to want to refrigerate a big chunk of that elephant, because it’s simply going to take a while.
Finding out that you’re a Zebra, feels a lot like taking on a task like eating an elephant. There are so many pieces to this puzzle. So many things that I experience that I’ve dissociated from for so long, as I was dismissed over and over again. The questions I have seem endless, and this places my understanding of my own life experiences in an entirely new context. This is a big elephant.
This blog will help me to take this on, one bite at a time, one question at a time, one answer at a time, and one move every single day toward a lifestyle that will better support me as I age with hypermobility syndrome.
Lucky for me, elephants are allowed in my diet. (I’m joking of course, because I would never, ever eat an elephant). I’ve looked up countless medical diets over the years. I’ve examined diets for heart disease, cancer, you name it. Time after time I looked at these diets thinking “I hope I never have a heart attack, because if I have to eat this way it will kill me.”
I weighed 350 when I found the Atkins Diet when I was 25. I didn’t know that I had hypermobility syndrome back then. I just knew that I was fat, in pain, and suicidal. I wanted to see my kids grow up. I wanted to live a dream or two.
So, I took on this incredibly restrictive diet, which cost me most of my social world (we will break this bite down another time). I changed my eating habits, and I lost weight. I also physically experienced getting better. My pain diminished and I became more ambulatory. My breathing improved. My eyesight improved. Blood tests said that I was nearing kidney and liver problems which corrected with this lifestyle change.
What I ended up having to eat was entirely more restrictive than Atkins, but in starting with Atkins, I was able to establish a baseline for my diet. From there I could actually tell what each food was doing in my body as I processed it. Atkins allows nuts. Turns out nuts light me up in terms of pain in my muscles and joints, and my lower digestive system.
So, the way I ended up eating wasn’t Atkins, but it started with Atkins, and I had to learn what my body can actually tolerate, one bite at a time, one food at a time, one flare up at a time.
Here’s the punchline. No doctor has ever given me the lifestyle answers to improve my quality of life. I cannot start to expect this now. I will be revisiting previous approaches to my health, because I physically know the difference they make- whether or not any doctor ever agrees.
I will be breaking down, this approach to my diet, exercise, and other lifestyle changes, one post at a time. While my diet is still ridiculously restrictive, allowing foods like low-carb tortillas have moved me out of the diet in which I function best.
Eating a restrictive diet is a struggle. Food that I can eat is not as readily available. Things have to be cooked from scratch, thawed out, planned ahead. If the food sucks, you don’t just get to cover it in ketchup and move on.
This is not a little shift. I’m still eating low-carb. I haven’t had bread in 13 years. No actual sugar enters my mouth by choice (but it’s always fun to play roulette when I order a Diet Pepsi that is filled up by anyone but me). Even though it’s been more than a decade since I’ve had pasta, potatoes, or rice, it’s just not enough.
Enough isn’t determined by some doctor, or some magic diet list written down somewhere. My body is the only entity that determines what enough is, and I’m not there right now.
But I know I can be. I know I don’t need doctors for these answers, because I have lived them. I know I can make these changes again, even though it’s hard.
The point to doing this “One Bite at a Time,” is to make something huge become manageable.
Today I will reduce the number of cups of coffee I drink at work to 1. I know coffee hurts me (the creamer, and sweetener specifically). Coffee is a staple creature comfort for me. It took the place of ALL deserts. It satisfies my sweet cravings. It tastes amazing, and it hurts me. I should stop it altogether, but I just got my work to order the flavor of coffee pod I like for our espresso machine. (Nespresso Stormio 10/10 recommend- if it doesn’t hurt you).
Yesterday, I built this blog
Before that, I figured out that the amount of time I spend sitting (8 hours a day) was literally pulling my back apart and compacting it. I adjusted my seating for alignment, took my yoga mat to work and am now taking mobility breaks (which have to be forced because I lose time and dissociate from my pain when I hyperfixate). I’ve spoken with my supervisor to create ongoing accommodations as I continue to age in this body. We adjusted my role so I can spend more time out of my seat, in incredibly helpful ways.
I am beyond blessed to have such an accommodating work space. The YEARS I spent as a dishwasher were not as accommodating. I have an incredibly supportive family (credit to The Toxicity Toolkit). This too was not always the case. So, if I could do this under the most difficult of circumstances, I know I can do it again.
One Bite at a Time…
Over the weeks to come, I will talk about my One Bite each day. I’ll break down each of the little moves that it takes to journey through this, to seek answers, to have the best possible quality of life in the body I was born in, and to share community with Zebras like me.
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