Bracing for the Week Ahead
Looking Forward
So, with that last post I finally set down my last huge thing from last week. Now it’s time to look forward.
Tomorrow, I will be asking for accommodations at work. Tomorrow, we are also supposed to have some company higher-ups evaluating our efficiency.
Under any other circumstances I would be absolutely thrilled. What an incredibly opportunity to step up, collaborate, create, innovate! Unfortunately, they want more out of us, and I’m walking in tomorrow to tell them I can give them less. More is not an option.
I feel disposable, and I fear that I’m painting a huge target on me in my company because it will be far easier to get rid of me for some “unrelated” reason, than to accommodate me. What I need is just not in the job description. That doesn’t mean that I can’t invaluably contribute, but I can no longer do that on their terms, and the job of what I CAN do doesn’t exist- at least not yet- so its a BIG ask.
Oh! Tomorrow afternoon will be the first time talking to my PCP (Dr. Handjob as I like to call him) about my scoliosis.
I’m befuddled. Why didn’t we already take X-rays of my back when I told him it felt like my back is being torn apart? I don’t understand why they didn’t take images of my sacrum, despite how low the clicking/grinding is originating from. Why didn’t he just order the advanced imaging? I have things going to crap in other joints too?
What in all heck am I going to have to do to get it ALL checked out? I can’t wait until the geneticist comes back. I haven’t even received the actual referral yet.
My BODY isn’t waiting until the tests.
I need help now- but needing help and getting help are not the same thing.
Thankfully, I had the foresight to take Thursday off. Even if the advanced imaging isn’t yet ordered for my thorax, lumbar, and sacrum, I do have the advanced imaging of my head and cervical spine. I am incredibly eager to get answers and I’m quite scared.
I’ve read that 50% of CSF leaks don’t show up on MRI. MS could become real this week.
Thankfully my eldest’s knee surgery went well, but this is still a recovery home with intense personal needs. My youngest is still recovering from their surgery as well, and my partner is quite overdue for a break from it all.
One breath at a time. One bite at a time. One symptom at a time.
I’m tired.
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