Survivor Literacy

Daily Writing Prompt 9.4.2025

Grudge: a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.

It’s an interesting question for sure.

I USED to think less of people who held grudges, and couldn’t just let things go and move on. I used to believe that holding a grudge was like hosting a cancer by choice. I firmly embraced all of the “live and let live,” and ” bygones” and all that.

I believed this even after I left my family of origin. I believed it even after all of the years of narcissistic abuse from my mom, and sexual/physical abuse from my brother. I believed that if I hated them for that, then I was the problem.

I believed it so much that I gave up every thing.

I believed it so much that the idea of holding them accountable felt like a betrayal against myself.

I forgave.

I may not have forgotten but nobody would have known. I acted like nothing had ever happened and fawned for my mother’s approval (we haven’t gotten to that part of the story yet, sorry for the spoiler). That forgiveness enabled so much further trauma, and I’m accountable for that.

The notion of a grudge invalidates the injury.

Resentment isn’t fun. It certainly isn’t pleasant. I’m also very aware that unprocessed resentment can take over a person entirely.

Resentment is also what shines through the cognitive dissonance to tell us that we are worth more than how we’ve been treated. Avoiding this truth is contributing to our own gaslighting.

Years later, after my mom left bruises from my 4 year-old’s shoulder blades to her knees (many years ago), I finally allowed myself to resent her, and all of the hell she’d cast over my life, and my children’s lives.

That resentment, that GRUDGE, became a boundary that was overdue and so necessary. That grudge, held that boundary in place until she died, and protected me and my children that entire time. I have regretted not holding that grudge sooner.

I was raised to believe that I was not in the population of people who were allowed to hold boundaries. I was meant to be ruled by my role, destined to be a supplementary adornment to some man who it would be my job to make happy and if I got LUCKY, he wouldn’t hit me, and it would be years before I felt unappreciated, (longer if I could gaslight myself well enough).

There are two parts to a grudge.
1) resentment that has potential to ruin your life and relationships, and
2) victim blaming for attempting to hold wrongdoers accountable. The first is often what’s verbalized to achieve the second. (Learn more about how this works in Weaponization of the Benign and Beneficial).

Food Addiction is Real, and it’s ON PURPOSE!
There’s so much the government doesn’t want you to know.

So yes, I absolutely hold grudges, as the memory of why my boundaries exist, and a warning against allowing them to be defied.

What if we tried something different?