40) S & M

August 14, 2025

40) S & M

Steve and Margaret – WTAF

I know that Dad’s already gone, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about his parents a least a little bit.

The first time I met them, they had driven down from Canada while Mom and Dad were still dating. They were bringing Dad his bear skin rug.

They were harsh, and judgy. Everything that came from their mouths dripped with criticism.

They stayed for a few weeks, and we didn’t visit Dad much while they were there. I got the distinct feeling that they didn’t approve of us. I really wanted them to.

Mom and Dad got married anyhow, and we moved to Indiana.

It was a real eye-opener for me the first time they visited us in Indiana.

First of all, they stayed for a month. I get that it’s a long trip from Saskatchewan to Indiana, but they were newlyweds for crying out loud.

I’ve never in my life sensed my mom be nervous the way she was around Margaret. I watched my mom bite her tongue, and take ridiculous criticisms.

The first day they were there, Mom and Dad went to work, and Margaret made me reorganize the entire kitchen with her. She spent the whole day saying things like, “well, that shouldn’t go there.”

My mom came home and she was seething, but couldn’t say anything. I watched her mask so hard. Margaret explained at length how grateful my mom should have been for her kindness. She said that Mom was very lucky to get such a giving mother-in-law.

I learned so much about power and expectation. I had always seen my mom as Mom, but here she was carrying the roles of wife and daughter-in-law. Somehow, those were just as powerful as the SCRIPTs that had stolen her autonomy in Colorado.

My mom was a force to be reckoned with, but she was defenseless against Margaret and I definitely noticed.

After Dad died they came to the funeral. I felt so bad that my mom had to deal with them in the middle of her grief. Every thing they said made it hurt more, and they thought they were being comforting.

Margaret died a few months after Dad.I really felt like she deserved it, but I was sad that Dad didn’t get more of a break before she came after him. It’s not fair.

Steve visited us on more time after we moved to Colorado before he died. It was like he only existed in his own world and any information that didn’t fit just bounced off of him.

I’m still very mad at them both. How dare anyone walk through life like that. They refused to get Dad the help he needed.

It wasn’t until much later that I understood that the help didn’t really exist for them either.