Family by Protyus A. Gendher (2022)
Family
“Family” a trigger word
That in my ears sounds completely absurd.
The Family I was assigned at birth
Inflicted years of torment and hurt
As I fall through the groups of people in my life
Eventually, they all push me outside
Eventually, my utility runs its course
You’d think I wouldn’t fall for the gaslighting anymore
“Come in, get comfy, we love you so much”
“Make yourself at home in our bunch”
“We promise we love you and we really care,
“If you ever need us, we’ll sure be there.”
But they love the me that bites their tongue
And minds their own business, just pleasant to everyone
They don’t know the me that has experiences and needs
So, it’s a lot of lip service when they tell me they love me
But when you bite your tongue for years it gets raw
And then you’re expected to participate in the flaws
And the person I’m performing is not really me
Because the real me would never have allowed the things
That lead to behaviors making my child toxic too
Encouraged by others when I leave the room
And I find my life spinning out of control
Tiptoeing around, afraid to be bold
Deep down I knew that if I spoke up
I’d find that line drawn, and sure enough
When I asked for help so I wouldn’t drown
They redrew the lines that would push me back out.
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