Survivor Literacy

Family by Protyus A. Gendher (2022)

Family 

“Family” a trigger word 
That in my ears sounds completely absurd.  
The Family I was assigned at birth 
Inflicted years of torment and hurt 
 
As I fall through the groups of people in my life 
Eventually, they all push me outside 
Eventually, my utility runs its course 
You’d think I wouldn’t fall for the gaslighting anymore 
 
“Come in, get comfy, we love you so much” 
“Make yourself at home in our bunch” 
“We promise we love you and we really care, 
“If you ever need us, we’ll sure be there.” 
 
But they love the me that bites their tongue 
And minds their own business, just pleasant to everyone 
They don’t know the me that has experiences and needs 
So, it’s a lot of lip service when they tell me they love me 

But when you bite your tongue for years it gets raw 
And then you’re expected to participate in the flaws 
And the person I’m performing is not really me 
Because the real me would never have allowed the things 
That lead to behaviors making my child toxic too 
Encouraged by others when I leave the room 

And I find my life spinning out of control 
Tiptoeing around, afraid to be bold 
Deep down I knew that if I spoke up 
I’d find that line drawn, and sure enough 
When I asked for help so I wouldn’t drown 
They redrew the lines that would push me back out. 

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