Survivor Literacy

Tiptoeing

Life off limits

I watch, as people posture politely around each other, for the sake of being pleasant, or for the sake of not rocking the boat. It’s important to be polite and considerate of others, but at what cost?

I watch as people tiptoe around off-limits topics, or performing certain versions of narratives, ignoring truths for those around them. I watch as what could be authentic interactions become programmed SCRIPTTs (Social Control Reinforced In Practice and Talk/Text). SCRIPTTs determine what’s “Appropriate” in a situation. SCRIPTTs determine what’s allowable, or punishable. SCRIPTTs keep us from engaging authentically, in exchange for social approval.

Do you ever leave a gathering of people and think to yourself how “pleasant,” it was, and yet feel like people weren’t really connecting? Do you leave feeling like you didn’t share of yourself, or that you were going through the motions?

You were likely performing SCRIPTTs which will gain the overall approval of the group, but they are barriers to deep interpersonal communication, where the sharing of ourselves actually happens.

SCRIPTTs aren’t all bad. In a multitude of ways they enable us to get our needs met, and in fact, it’s impossible to secure resources without SCRIPTTs. In the world, SCRIPTTs are essential, but they are performances that we put on, not expressions of our true selves. At best, there’s a little personal flair to how YOU perform the SCRIPTT, but it’s still a social performance.

Here’s the thing, I hear people talking about the need for connection all the time, and even their talk of it has become the performance of the SCRIPTT. In lieu of actually bonding and connecting, they perform the SCRIPTT of the importance of bonding and connecting.

It can be both. There are usually moments of connection, mixed with SCRIPTT performance. SCRIPTTs also give us a break from the intensity of sharing ourselves, and familiar SCRIPTTs can give us pleasurable feedback, and invoke nostalgia.

If someone feels unsafe or jabbed when they do try to share of themself, they are much more likely to return to the safety of the social approval that comes from performing SCRIPTTs.

When you leave feeling fulfilled, it’s likely that you were interconnected with others. If you leave feeling empty or distant, ask yourself how much time was spent performing SCRIPTTs.

If you’re uncomfortable with the SCRIPTTs you participated in, ask yourself what they cost you? Who benefits? Why is that SCRIPTT being performed? Is it an untrue or incomplete narrative? How are others participating in the SCRIPTTs? What do they have to gain or lose?

Have you acted as your authentic self lately?

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 14 – The Third Month

Toxicity Toolkit 13 – Week 8 – Dear Man

Toxicity Toolkit 12 – Week 7 – The F* It Bucket

Toxicity Toolkit 11 – Week 6 – Collecting Spoons

Toxicity Toolkit 10 – Week 5 – Checking In

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit 9 – The Second Month

Toxicity Toolkit 8 – Week 4 – Praise

Toxicity Toolkit 7 – Week 3 – Untrue Narratives

Toxicity Toolkit 6 – Week 2 – Family Bill of Rights

Toxicity Toolkit 5 – Week 1 – Family Values Exercise

Toxicity Toolkit 3 – The First Month

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 2 – Build Your Toolkit

Toxicity Toolkit 1 – Start Here

Toxicity Toolkit – Holiday Preparation

Forgiveness

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 29 – More Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 28 – The Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 27 – TEAM

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 26 – Do Overs

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 25 – Letting Go

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 24 – Encanto

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 23 – Self Care

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 22 – Being Approachable

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 21 – Empowerment

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 20 – Setbacks

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 19 – The Silent Treatment