Survivor Literacy

Being Handled

Infantilization- Another Cycle Worth Breaking

There’s a thing that happens when a person becomes defensive regularly. The people around the person feel compelled to quell the defensiveness, to calm it, or to back-track it.

If a person is defensive very often, people may start taking measures to soothe their defensiveness before even approaching the person. Really, it’s self-defense… from defensiveness. They start handling the person, instead of being able to openly approach them.

When someone’s not prone to defensiveness, and they’re approached as though they are fragile, delicate, and incapable of emotional regulation like a grown up, it’s infantilizing. It stands out that they’re being handled because there was no need for it, but the person doing it is approaching them as though they think they are fragile, delicate, or otherwise incapable of emotional regulation.

Remember the posts recently about tiptoeing.

Handling is another form of tiptoeing, that results from learned behaviors. People learn that it’s effective in manipulating a response, and may even use gaslighting or love bombing to make the control of the handling more complete.

Remember that toxic behaviors aren’t only present in abusive relationships. Many of us learned toxic behaviors to become effective in self-defense.

Recognize moments when you are handling someone else. Interrupt moments when you are being handled. Use the DBT tools DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST instead.

Whether you are prone to defensiveness, or feel infantilized by being handled. Using the tools will prevent the need for defensiveness, and will help dismantle toxic mechanisms.

Happy Healing

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 14 – The Third Month

Toxicity Toolkit 13 – Week 8 – Dear Man

Toxicity Toolkit 12 – Week 7 – The F* It Bucket

Toxicity Toolkit 11 – Week 6 – Collecting Spoons

Toxicity Toolkit 10 – Week 5 – Checking In

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit 9 – The Second Month

Toxicity Toolkit 8 – Week 4 – Praise

Toxicity Toolkit 7 – Week 3 – Untrue Narratives

Toxicity Toolkit 6 – Week 2 – Family Bill of Rights

Toxicity Toolkit 5 – Week 1 – Family Values Exercise

Toxicity Toolkit 3 – The First Month

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 2 – Build Your Toolkit

Toxicity Toolkit 1 – Start Here

Toxicity Toolkit – Holiday Preparation

Forgiveness

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 29 – More Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 28 – The Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 27 – TEAM

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 26 – Do Overs

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 25 – Letting Go

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 24 – Encanto

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 23 – Self Care

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 22 – Being Approachable

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 21 – Empowerment

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 20 – Setbacks

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 19 – The Silent Treatment