Relational Field Theory
Autistic People Aren’t Relationally Challenged — We’re Relationally Exacting
For as long as autistic people have existed, the world has accused us of being “relationally impaired,” “socially awkward,” or “bad at relationships.”
But the truth is far simpler — and far more interesting.
Autistic people aren’t bad at relationships.
We’re bad at pretending.
And those are not the same thing.
🌐 The Myth: “Autistic people struggle socially.”
This accusation usually comes from people who:
- rely on unspoken rules
- expect performance over honesty
- prioritize comfort over truth
- use masking as a social lubricant
- treat contradiction as normal
- value harmony over coherence
In that environment, someone who refuses to play the game looks “difficult.”
But that’s not a relational deficit.
That’s a relational standard.
🔥 The Reality: Autistic people demand authenticity
Autistic relationality is built on:
- clarity
- consistency
- sincerity
- coherence
- direct communication
- emotional truth
- stable expectations
We don’t do double meanings.
We don’t do mixed signals.
We don’t do “say one thing, mean another.”
We don’t do performative niceness.
We don’t do relationships that require self‑abandonment.
If a relationship demands inauthenticity, we struggle — not because we lack relational skill, but because we refuse relational distortion.
🧠 The Autistic Relational System
Autistic people are often the most:
- loyal
- honest
- consistent
- deeply attuned
- emotionally invested
- principled
- reliable
…when the relationship is real.
But we cannot maintain relationships built on:
- manipulation
- ambiguity
- coercion
- dishonesty
- power games
- social scripts
- emotional bait‑and‑switch
Our systems reject those dynamics the way a body rejects a toxin.
🐦 The Canary Logic Applies Here Too
Just like we detect incoherence in environments, we detect incoherence in relationships.
When a relationship is:
- inconsistent
- dishonest
- performative
- contradictory
- emotionally unsafe
…our bodies react immediately.
Not because we’re fragile.
Because we’re accurate.
We feel the rupture before others do.
We register the misalignment before it becomes visible.
We sense the distortion before it becomes explicit.
That’s not relational impairment.
That’s relational intelligence.
🌟 The Reframe
Autistic people aren’t relationally challenged.
We’re relationally precise.
We don’t struggle with relationships.
We struggle with inauthenticity.
We don’t fail at connection.
We fail at performing connection.
And honestly?
That’s not a flaw.
That’s a gift.
Survivor Literacy 
What do you think?