Survivor Literacy

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment.

When going through the toxicity toolkit, it’s really not possible to dig this deep and never strike a nerve. Transformation requires awakening and, unless you’ve conditioned yourself rather well, awakening is painful. (Although it does get much easier with practice.)

These moments invoke our defensive selves, our reactive selves, our counterproductive selves. I’ve stressed it before and I’ll say it here again, these are the times to leave people alone.

When a person is immediately responding to new information about their behaviors that they have to process, the immediate reflex is to defend oneself, whether right or wrong.

It takes time, and distance from other people to truly process this type of information. Forcing people to engage with you during this refractory period keeps them in their reactive mode which prevents self-analysis, and actually builds walls against progress.

This post is about the power and importance of disengaging, and giving the information time to sit, time to resonate.

Disengaging doesn’t ensure that the other party will perform self-analysis and incorporate new information, but it gives them space to, and without it the whole process becomes undermined.

Disengaging means that the most hurtful and least true things remain unsaid, and give all parties the opportunities to become their rational, practical, loving selves again before the come back to the information at hand.

I think many of us are conditioned to mistrust silence.

My anxiety definitely likes to undermine me in moments of silence, telling me I’m being shut out, telling me I’m being disposed of, telling me I’m the subject of judgement and scorn.

There are so many things that condition us to refuse silence, and its discomfort.

I consciously remind myself, in these moments, that the space is healthy. Distance allows for people to process their initial interpretations, and examine new interpretations. Time allows thoughts and even our neurotransmitters to become once again under our control.

Silence is important. Silence is precious, and I’m learning to value it, even when I feel it is weaponized.

In reality, even if the silence is weaponized, I am the only one who can determine whether I allow it to hurt me, and instead I choose to trust it as a valuable component in the healing process.

Happy Healing

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 14 – The Third Month

Toxicity Toolkit 13 – Week 8 – Dear Man

Toxicity Toolkit 12 – Week 7 – The F* It Bucket

Toxicity Toolkit 11 – Week 6 – Collecting Spoons

Toxicity Toolkit 10 – Week 5 – Checking In

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit 9 – The Second Month

Toxicity Toolkit 8 – Week 4 – Praise

Toxicity Toolkit 7 – Week 3 – Untrue Narratives

Toxicity Toolkit 6 – Week 2 – Family Bill of Rights

Toxicity Toolkit 5 – Week 1 – Family Values Exercise

Toxicity Toolkit 3 – The First Month

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 2 – Build Your Toolkit

Toxicity Toolkit 1 – Start Here

Toxicity Toolkit – Holiday Preparation

Forgiveness

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 29 – More Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 28 – The Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 27 – TEAM

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 26 – Do Overs

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 25 – Letting Go

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 24 – Encanto

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 23 – Self Care

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 22 – Being Approachable

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 21 – Empowerment

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 20 – Setbacks

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 18 – Ups and Downs