Survivor Literacy

Taking Their Side

Conflict Reduction

We all experience conflict, albeit some more than others.

What happens during conflict?

We feel the need to present our side.

We want to be heard and validated.

If the conflict increases we feel invalidated, and become defensive.

We close ourselves off to the other party.

In addition to using the DBT skills for interacting (DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST), I want to share with you a technique that really helps us change direction even at the height of conflict.

Take the other person’s side.
I know, it seems like the last thing a person would want to do when they’re feeling invalidated, unheard, and mistreated. In the moment when you feel the most disconnected from the other person, pause.

Pause, and take a very deep breath. Ask for just a moment from the other person if you need to.

What’s reasonable about what they are saying?

Are they getting their needs met?

Have you taken time to validate them the way you would like validation?

What does the narrative sound like from their perspective? What does the situation look like when you put your two narratives together?

Echo your understanding of the other side of the narrative back to the other person, and invite them to fill in blanks you may be missing.

Tell them you would like a chance to be fully heard as well.

Keep using DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST from The Toolkit.

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 14 – The Third Month

Toxicity Toolkit 13 – Week 8 – Dear Man

Toxicity Toolkit 12 – Week 7 – The F* It Bucket

Toxicity Toolkit 11 – Week 6 – Collecting Spoons

Toxicity Toolkit 10 – Week 5 – Checking In

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit 9 – The Second Month

Toxicity Toolkit 8 – Week 4 – Praise

Toxicity Toolkit 7 – Week 3 – Untrue Narratives

Toxicity Toolkit 6 – Week 2 – Family Bill of Rights

Toxicity Toolkit 5 – Week 1 – Family Values Exercise

Toxicity Toolkit 3 – The First Month

Toxicity Toolkit 15 – Week 9 – Love Bombing

Toxicity Toolkit 2 – Build Your Toolkit

Toxicity Toolkit 1 – Start Here

Toxicity Toolkit – Holiday Preparation

Forgiveness

Beneficial Negativity

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 29 – More Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 28 – The Happy Child

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 27 – TEAM

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 26 – Do Overs

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 25 – Letting Go

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 24 – Encanto

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 23 – Self Care

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 22 – Being Approachable

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 21 – Empowerment

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 20 – Setbacks

Toxicity Toolkit – Points to Ponder 19 – The Silent Treatment