The Toxicity Toolkit
This is the practical limb of the field — a set of tools you can use today to reduce harm, increase clarity, and build healthier relational environments.
Why do we need a Toxicity Toolkit?
We all experience toxicity in our relationships, even those of us who work daily to create healthy homes and lives. Toxic behaviors come from many places and experiences in our lives:
Our families of origin
Our past relationships
Our own personalities.
Toxic behaviors become habits because they are reinforced as effective ways of getting our needs met, at the expense of others.
How to Use This Toolkit
- Move at your own pace.
- Repeat weeks whenever you need more time.
- Adapt each tool to your home, workplace, or community.
- Expect resistance from toxic systems — it’s a sign the tools are working.
- Celebrate small wins; they accumulate faster than you think.
- You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to keep going.
This toolkit is here to support you, not to pressure you. Let it meet you where you are.
Who are toxic people?
We all exhibit toxic behaviors. Even me. Even you. We all experience the effects of toxic behaviors from others.
Many people are hesitant to confront their own toxic behaviors, because they are embarrassed, or because they think that toxic behaviors only exist in abusive relationships.
In fact, much of our understanding of toxicity comes from studying horrifying abuse. Components like gaslighting enable abusers to maintain control and can be difficult to recognize, even in the most blatant of demonstrations, because of how compelling gaslighting is.
When the abuse is extreme, toxic behaviors are easier to see. This does not mean that gaslighting doesn’t show up in other everyday relationships, but it can be much more difficult to recognize and define.
The goal of this toolkit is to provide weekly exercises to help battle toxicity in our everyday relationships, enabling healthy communication, and mutual growth.
For the purposes of this toolkit, we will specifically focus on the family. These exercises are easily adapted to other everyday environments like work or church groups. If you would like information on converting this program to a different group, or using it as a workbook for self-improvement reach out to me at ProtyusAGendher@gmail.com.
How do we deal with toxicity?
Combating toxicity requires being able to recognize it, and replace the toxic script with a healthy, fair script.
If the people around you are narcissists or abusers, they will likely combat our efforts, and double-down on the toxicity. They may make attempts to make your rational, fact-driven, fair efforts seem crazy. If they do, it is evidence of the toxicity, and the necessity of your efforts. Be prepared.
Confronting these behaviors can be very uncomfortable, especially when some members of a home are not on the same page.
Weekly Activities will focus on building a therapeutic environment using the tenets of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in which:
Behaviors can be improved,
Creating a nontoxic culture and language within the group,
Identifying toxic behaviors and
Providing strategies for interacting with them, and
Ways of building a positive environment.
Before you begin, I encourage you to start with a spirit of forgiveness.
Toxicity is very difficult to combat, and absolutely worth it.
It’s ok if you miss an opportunity and recognize it later.
It’s ok if you need to stay on a tool for more than a week; the weeks are just suggestions.
This is hard, and you will fail sometimes. Keep going. Keep growing. You’ve got this.
Why create the Toxicity Toolkit?
Many people do not have access to mental health resources.
Many people distrust mental health professionals.
Many people grew up in toxic environments, attended toxic schools, and later are surviving toxic workplaces.
Many people, myself included, have adopted toxic behaviors as self defense, or because we didn’t possess the non-toxic tools to combat these behaviors, or simply because we are so used to it, the behaviors have become “normal.”
It’s time that we all do better. It’s time that we all experience better.
In the links above, you’ll find three months of weekly exercises (13 weeks total) to work on together as a family to detoxify your home. Click on The First Month to get started.
Ready to Begin?
→ Start Week Zero: Taking Inventory
(If you’ve already begun, you can jump to any week using the links in the Guide.)
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