Relational Field Theory

Why Do People Attack the Relational Person Instead of the Transactional System?

There’s a pattern I’ve watched play out in communities, workplaces, families, and creative spaces:
the person who shows up relationally — present, honest, connected — is the one who gets criticized, dismissed, or labeled “too much,” while the transactional system around them escapes scrutiny entirely.

And every time it happens, it raises the same question:

Why do people attack the relational person instead of the transactional system?

The answer is uncomfortable, but it’s also clarifying.

Relational presence exposes what transactional systems depend on.

Transactional systems run on distance, hierarchy, and emotional containment.
They reward performance, not presence.
They value predictability over truth.

A relational person walks in with coherence, vulnerability, and connection — and suddenly the whole system is visible for what it is.

People don’t attack you because you’re wrong.
They attack you because you’re revealing the emptiness of the structure they rely on.

Transactional systems punish what they cannot control.

Relational presence doesn’t follow scripts.
It doesn’t collapse into shame.
It doesn’t obey the unspoken rules.

So the system responds the only way it knows how:

“You’re too much.”
“You’re repetitive.”
“You’re dramatic.”
“You’re intense.”

These aren’t critiques.
They’re containment strategies.

You’re not being punished for being relational.
You’re being punished for refusing to disappear.

Relational clarity breaks the illusion of fairness.

Transactional systems survive by pretending:

effort equals worth
silence equals maturity
compliance equals goodness
distance equals professionalism

A relational person disrupts that entire worldview simply by existing.

Connection becomes the truth.
Presence becomes the standard.
Honesty becomes the mirror.

People attack what destabilizes their worldview.

Relational people make others feel their own loneliness.

This is the part no one wants to name.

When you show up relationally — grounded, coherent, emotionally present — you remind people of:

the connection they never got
the vulnerability they avoid
the intimacy they fear
the parts of themselves they abandoned

Instead of facing that grief, they attack the person who evokes it.

You’re not the problem.
You’re the mirror.

The system always scapegoats the person who refuses to collapse.

You’re not being targeted because you’re flawed.
You’re being targeted because you’re free.

And freedom is threatening in systems built on transaction.

If you’ve ever been punished for showing up relationally, you’re not imagining it.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re not the disruption.
You’re the evidence that something better is possible.

And transactional systems will always attack the evidence before they examine themselves.