Relational Field Theory
**Dear Diary:
It Turns Out Not Doing the Work Was What Was Killing Me**
I had a strange, quiet realization today — the kind that doesn’t arrive with fireworks, just a soft click somewhere behind the ribs.
For years I thought the work was the thing that exhausted me.
The thing that overwhelmed me.
The thing that made me “too much.”
But looking back, I can see it clearly now:
It wasn’t doing the work that was killing me.
It was not doing it.
Every time I tried to shrink myself to fit someone else’s idea of connection…
Every time I tried to be “normal” about my creativity…
Every time I tried to pretend I didn’t need coherence the way other people need air…
Every time I tried to belong in the ways the world told me I should…
Something in me withered.
Not dramatically.
Not visibly.
Just steadily.
Because the work — the real work, the relational work, the prime‑logic work — is the only place where I feel like myself.
It’s the only place where my nervous system isn’t being leveraged.
It’s the only place where I’m not collapsing into someone else’s shape.
It’s the only place where I feel authentic.
And authenticity, for me, isn’t a luxury.
It’s survival.
So yes — it actually was killing me not to do the work.
And now that I can name that, something in me feels lighter.
More honest.
More alive.
Maybe this is what hope feels like when it’s real.
Survivor Literacy 
What do you think?