Survivor Literacy

Empowerment

Conflict and Empowerment

Conflict arises when we as individuals feel at odds with getting our needs met. When we perceive that we are at odds with getting our needs met, we also perceive the people we are interacting with as obstacles to getting our needs met. As we behaving in accordance with these perceptions, naturally, conflicts ensue.

When we feel at odds with getting our needs met, we may also view the interaction only from our own perspective, as we get defensive, feeling like our needs are on the line.

We forget that the other person, or people, engaged in the interaction may also feel that their needs are not being met or considered.

If you take a break from defending your own needs you may find that you haven’t given time and space to the other party to get their needs met either.

If we can release ourselves from our defensiveness, and allow ourselves to approach conflicts cognitively and with purpose, rather than being at the mercy of our insecurities, we can change these interactions.

Remind yourself that the other person is experiencing the situation too.

Ask yourself what your needs are, and what outcomes you are seeking.

Remind the other person that you’re on the same team, you are not their adversary, and have no intention of being an obstacle to getting their needs met. Tell them you value them, and want them to get what they need.

Acknowledge that you’ve been defending your own needs, and take accountability if you’ve been treating the other person as an obstacle to getting your needs met, rather than as a team mate.

Ask to start over, together as teammates, to problem solve and do

your best to meet both sets of needs.

When we do this we take the power away from the toxicity, and empower both parties to get what they need or want. All of a sudden, instead of facing an obstacle to getting their needs met, both parties are met with a teammate who is there to help, and brainstorm, and problem solve, in the place of what could have been yelling and slamming doors.

Remember that when we empower our teammates, we empower ourselves. When everyone involved in a situation has power, the need to perform hurtful or toxic behaviors goes away. What takes its place can be truly magical.

Happy Healing